


With You in Nowhere

by Children_of_the_Shadows



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, RLSB - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:09:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Children_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Children_of_the_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Opposites do not always attract in the law of war. When Sirius Black finds himself trapped with Remus Lupin in a forest in the middle of nowhere, things are bound to go wrong. It's only a matter of understanding one another, but who will take the first step?</p>
            </blockquote>





	With You in Nowhere

'All I ever wanted was to be human.'

_'My brave boy,' his mother whispers, kissing his forehead. 'My brave, brave boy.' She kisses his eyelids, his cheeks; her gentle hands wiping away the tears streaming down his face. 'My beautiful baby...'_

_Remus whimpers softly, as another wound stitches itself together. His father's hands shake as he positions his wand over yet another gash across his torso. There are so many; so many that sometimes Remus thinks that his skin has been painted red in its entirety. It hurts._

_'You're such a good boy,' his mother sobs and her tears fall like raindrops on his face, 'such a good boy. My brave boy. I love you so much. It will be okay, love. Don't cry. Please don't cry. It will be okay...'_

'Padfoot, no!' The dog growled but stepped back at Remus's command, one leg raised as it limped backwards. Remus's arm wrapped across its torso protectively, drawing the dog close to his chest. He glared at the offensive wand tip pointed towards them, his eyes following up to the Auror badge that was pinned to a broad chest. SIRIUS BLACK, it read in big bold letters.

'Keep your mutt down and it will live to see another day,' Black spat, jabbing his wand further into Remus's face.

Both Padfoot and Remus snarled, their canines bared, to intimidate. Yet, they stayed in place. Remus wasn't stupid; he knew he was overpowered. He had been disarmed and his wand snapped. His wand arm was broken at the joint; unable to move. It had gone numb from pain. His feet were bound tightly, just shy of digging into his skin. Even Padfoot was injured and while Remus didn't doubt his effort, he doubted a dog even as big as his could win against Sirius Black.

To many, Black would have seemed a beautiful human being. One with black hair held together roguishly in a ponytail; high cheek bones, an impossibly straight nose; and eyes so grey that they looked nearly silver. He stood tall, an air of arrogance and casual grace around him that Remus knew were characteristic of purebloods like the Blacks. He was beautiful perhaps to many, but to Remus, he was ugly.

Because Remus could see the hatred in Black's eyes. Because he knew that Black would not hesitate to kill an innocent animal if the need arose. He would not hesitate to kill an animal like Remus either.

_His father is furiously scrubbing the wall. Scritch, scritch, scritch. His pace gets faster and faster the more he realises that words are permanent. They will never leave. Just like Remus's disease, those words will leave scars for the rest of his life._

_'John, stop,' his mother pleads to deaf ears._

_Remus can only watch the blur of his father's hand as the scrubbing speeds up. There is a bruise swelling on his father's left cheek from when he has gotten into a fight for Remus. Remus has touched it many, many times; his small fingers gentle against it to not cause any more pain. He has said sorry for it and though his father has admonished him for it, Remus continues to feel sorry._

_'John, stop it.'_

_'We need to move,' his father replies, voice hoarse and scratchy like he has a cough. 'We need to move where nobody knows. Where Remus can be safe.'_

_Remus says nothing. He thinks he should say sorry again but he feels his throat tighten and constrict painfully. He cannot take his eyes off the bright red letters that taint the outer walls of his house: DIE WEREWOLF._

'Do you think keeping me at wand point will do you any good?' Remus asked calmly, as Padfoot tried to chew at the ropes binding his legs together. Remus already knew they would not break; Igor Karkaroff had versed him well in magic. 'We are both going to die here. It's only a matter of whether I kill you first or you kill me. The full moon is in a month.' Black ignored him but Remus could already see a vein throbbing on his temple. 'No one will come for you. No one knows of this shack and no one dares to this forest.'

'Shut up, werewolf!'

Remus felt his face grow hot from anger but he kept his façade. His good hand stroked Padfoot's fur gently, finding solace in his companion. 'Remus Lupin - I have a name!'

'So does the mutt,' Black spat back looking pointedly at Padfoot. 'That doesn't make him human!'

Remus bristled, feeling a growl escape his throat. His hands clenched at his sides, nails digging deep grooves into his palm. Angry and indignant words whispered in his ears. 'What would you know about being human? Stuck in all your pureblood filth, breeding only to keep going from extinct, caring for no one except yourself - if anyone is the animal here, it's you!' Remus's breaths came out harsh and deep, amber eyes ablaze. He was losing his temper quickly, something he hated himself for; something he couldn't seem to control today. He didn't want Black to see his weaknesses nor his shortcomings. But the man infuriated him. Barely five hours had passed since they'd been stuck in this God Forsaken shack and already Remus's nerves were wearing thin.

Black stood up, moving forward in slow menacing steps. His wand drew up to point right between Remus's eyes, sparks flying from the tip threateningly. It burned Remus's skin but he only looked back at it with hard, defiant eyes. From beside him, Padfoot growled possessively. 'You don't know anything about me,' Black replied, through gritted teeth. 'So shut your mouth and sit down before I make your little prediction come true.'

'Go ahead. Kill me, because that will just prove me right.'

Black's lips stretched across his teeth in an almost maniacal grin. 'Kill you? No. I'm going to take you in; make you admit to everything you know and when I've bled you dry of information, I'm going to let Azkaban do with you what they will.' The tip of his wand hit Remus's forehead, pressing into his skin. 'And if you're lucky, you might even get a Kiss goodnight.'

Remus felt all the colour drain from his face and his fingers crushed around the soft fur of Padfoot's coat. Padfoot whined softly, licking his palm in reassurance. The weight across his chest felt even heavier, feeding off his fear and despair; and he put a hand to it in an attempt to still the pressure.

' _No! No!' Remus struggles against the hands that hold him back, kicking wildly. He hears reassuring words screamed into his ears, asking him to calm down and telling him everything will be all right. But it's not all right. It is not all right. It is not all right. 'Let me go! MUM!'_

_It is not all right._

_The air is covered in large plumes of smoke, blocking out the sun to a dim, muddy brown. The heat from the fire is overwhelming and Remus can feel it against his face, trying to peel off his skin._

' _DAD!'_

_It is not all right._

_He sees body bags; two of them - obsidian and ominous. Their zips have been done and they are being wheeled into an ambulance as firemen run in and out of his house searching for more victims. There are no victims. Only Remus. Only Remus who had stepped out of the house to buy his mother's groceries and his father that delicious chocolate cake that he loved so much._

_It is not all right._

' _Please, please, that's my mum and dad. Please let me see them. Oh God, please, they might be alive in there. You might have made a mistake and they might be alive in there!'_

_He cannot breathe. He struggles and pulls and pushes; anything to get out this death hold they have him in. There are shouts of panic as he feels more and more light headed and he knows there are people on the way to catch him as he falls. He sees them, but he doesn't. He feels them, but he doesn't. He comprehends them, but he doesn't. All that truly sticks and burns to the back of his eyelids are two words painted in red across his house's perfectly white picket fence: DIE WEREWOLF._

Remus opened his eyes when he felt something hit the ground beside his head. The world seemed blurry at first and he was sure he was going blind, before he realised that it was just Padfoot's fur blocking his vision. A rough tongue scraped across his stubble, licking away the last remains of a fitful sleep. Slowly but surely, he came to grips with reality: the rough wood floor beneath his hands; the sliver of sunlight that escaped from in between the cracks of the boarded windows; and the soreness in his ankles that was slowly bordering on pain.

'Eat!' A voice barked, only cementing the truth of Remus's captivity.

Remus pushed himself up gingerly, his balance disoriented due to the restrictions on his feet. He only had the use of one hand, while the other rested against his chest in a sling constructed from the bottom of his own trousers. He felt eternally grateful to Padfoot who nudged him upwards with his head, all the while whining words of encouragement into Remus's skin. 'Good boy,' Remus praised and was rewarded with the manic wave of Padfoot's tail.

'There's water in that flask, though it's from the lake so I can't guarantee purity,' Black barked again, pointing towards a metal flask with a screw cap that Remus would normally associate with alcohol. He wondered what Black would say if he knew that at a point in his life, Remus had drunk water from the gutters.

Remus stared at the apple in front of him with dismay. His stomach rumbled loudly for something more filling, but he picked it up anyway. A few bites from it and then he was beckoning his dog with a low whistle, 'Come boy.' He offered the rest of it to Padfoot who shot him a clearly displeased look. 'Don't make a fuss, love,' he scolded softly, 'you need to eat something.'

Black snorted.

Remus ignored him and pushed the apple to Padfoot's mouth again. The dog huffed but ate it dutifully. Sometimes, Remus thought Padfoot had too much of a personality for a dog. Once the dog was sufficiently distracted, he reached for the flask and poured the water on its injured foot. Padfoot whined, but Remus held him forcefully still as he washed the wound carefully.

'You're wasting good water on the mutt,' Black growled. 'Do you know how far the lake is? That water is supposed to last you the day!'

Remus glared. 'I can go a day without water. But if Padfoot's wound isn't tended to, it's only going to get worse. If you would just heal it for him, then-'

'So that the stupid mutt can attack me again?' Black sneered, his face turning to an ugly scowl. 'Fuck off if you think I'm going to make the mistake of falling for your little pity games.'

Remus bit back the harsh words that he was dying to say, taking pleasure in the fact that Padfoot was snarling in his defense. He wondered what Padfoot would be saying if he could speak - a lot of expletives, Remus thought, because Padfoot seemed to be just that kind of dog. 'It's all right, Pads.' Remus assured softly and the dog shot him a look that clearly told Remus that his words were going to go ignored.

Remus sighed and then tore off a strip from the bottom of his trousers, using it to securely tie a makeshift bandage around Padfoot's wound. It was harder with only one hand, but he managed somehow. It was then that he caught Black staring at him. However, as soon as their eyes met, the other man looked away, muttering softly under his breath. 'It's just a dirty mutt. Stop treating it like its human.'

_'Stop following me. I don't have anything to give you.'_

_The pup whines softly, brushing itself against Remus's feet like a cat. It is small – so, so small that Remus reckons it would fit in the palm of his hand. Its eyes are too wide for its face and underneath all the dirt and grime, there is a thick coat of black fur covering its body. Its tail wags just at the sight of Remus and growls at everything else. Remus reckons it is a bipolar puppy._

_It has been following him for two days now._

' _Go away,' Remus says tiredly. 'Go away, please.'_

_There is not much difference between Remus and this mutt. They are both orphans, shucked out to the streets. They are both dirty and hungry._

_Remus can see the hunger in its eyes and in its withering form. It looks so pathetic this way; yet, it seems genuinely pleased to be following Remus around. It is as if it has adopted Remus as its own already. 'Wait here,' Remus says softly, giving up and one hand motioning for it to sit. 'I'll come back, I promise.' And just like that, it puts its full trust in Remus. It doesn't question his motives or think he is going to leave it. It doesn't snarl at him and treat him like a monster. It waits patiently, watching, as Remus slips his hand into bread racks, sandwich trays, and meat displays. And when Remus comes back with arms laden with stolen food, the dog offers him half the goods and a lifetime of companionship._

'You wouldn't have to starve if you just let me go.'

Black glared at him but said nothing.

'We know these woods like the back of our hand. We know how to hunt,' Remus reasoned.

'Of course you do,' Black spat disdainfully.

Remus ignored the jibe. 'Look, you want to keep me captive till your stupid friends get here, that's fine with me. But I'm guessing you want me alive by the end of this charade and for that, we need to actually be eating something more than these silly berries and mushrooms. I know these woods and these woods know me. None of the creatures here will come near a werewolf, even untransformed. And if they do, I can defend us against them.'

'And I am to believe you?' Black asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 'When there is every possibility that you will escape?'

Remus gritted his teeth and for a few seconds, he kept quiet. His stomach rumbled loudly in hunger and he stared at his hands, before putting in grudgingly, 'You can keep Padfoot with you.' Padfoot let out a questioning whine, his head cocked to one side. Already, the animal was showing signs of weakness; he was getting sluggish and a lot needier for affection.

Black raised an eyebrow. 'The mutt?'

'I won't leave without him and even if I do, he'll track me down. He's attached to me.'

'Are you sure it's not the other way round?'

Remus did not say anything, simply looking pointedly at the ropes binding his feet. He knew he would win this battle; knew because the win was coming with a price. He had lied when he'd said that the creatures here did not come near him. They did; and those that did, were always the ones who were confident they would win against him. But right now, if they wanted to escape, both Remus and Padfoot would need strength that only came from a healthy meal. Remus also needed the use of his right hand. Being a werewolf had its perks; stealth, agility, strength, and a misconception that they were incapable of intelligent thinking. For now, Remus would stay. He would stay and build up a strategy; but he would be damned if he waited for Black's  _friends_ to arrive.

When the ropes were finally loosened, Remus was greeted to the sight of a wand pointed to his throat and his ankles cracked and bleeding. His right foot was swollen and Padfoot noticed this right away, making Remus's healing his own personal mission and licking his wounds in between reassuring whines. It did not hurt. Or perhaps it did, but Remus could not feel anything beyond the heaviness across his chest and the sharp fear that was building within him as Black's grey eyes bore into his. This situation was no joke.

'One wrong move, Lupin, and the mutt dies.'

_Winters are the worst for Remus. His house has burnt down and he cannot go to any of the local homeless shelters because that would mean leaving Padfoot outside to freeze. Remus's little pup is no longer as small as it used to be and hence, he is no longer able to sneak it in by hiding it within his clothes or his shoulder bag. Some days, if they are lucky, they find abandoned warehouses or apartments to take refuge in. Remus makes extra effort to find them especially during full moons when he needs to confine himself to guarantee safety. Other days, such as this, they are left to the streets; trying to find an empty gully free from winos or beggars. The fire they tried to make has long since burned out under the weight of the blizzard raging around them. It is at this time, that Remus is thankful for Padfoot's size and fur. They curl up with each other, dog and man, arms and paws tights against ribs and noses buried in each other's necks. Remus's stolen blankets and warm clothes help a little, but they are quickly going threadbare under the harsh Northern weather. Sometimes, Remus's joints hurt so much, he is unable to sleep. Tonight, he thinks, will probably be his last. He isn't afraid of dying but he worries because without him, Padfoot will have nowhere to go._

' _Merry Christmas.'_

_Remus opens his eyes, one hand coming up to flatten the fur in front of his face. He can't make out much past the flurry of snow, but the dark outline of a man and the shadow that falls across their bodies. Remus shivers and holds Padfoot closer. Suddenly, it feels a lot colder; as if the temperature has dropped by a few more degrees. Just as Remus thinks this, the temperature rises again – rises and rises and rises, until suddenly Remus feels like he probably is dead because it is so warm. So, so, blissfully warm that his bones no longer ache and his skin is no longer numb and blue from the cold. Padfoot rolls away from Remus's body in his sleep, his tail picking up a slow paced wag. A pleased snuffle releases from his nostrils._

' _I can give you more than just warmth,' Remus only hears the voice, as his eyes are closed in complete contentment. He is tired; so very tired that he may fall asleep any moment. 'I can give you a home.' A home sounds wonderful. Remus hasn't had a home in years. 'I can give you food.' Remus won't have to steal anymore; won't have to suffer through the unbearable pain of hunger that would make his intestines twist and pull. 'I can teach you magic.' Useless. Magic was useless; what would he do with it? 'I can give you the honour and respect you deserve.'_

_Remus opens his eyes._

' _I will give you freedom - freedom to walk on the streets without people mocking you.' Cold breath wafts across his face as the man bent down close to him. There is still very little he can make out, but he reckons that his addled mind might be playing tricks on him because the man's eyes appear to be red slits. 'That's what you desire, isn't it, Remus?'_

They ate like ravenous beasts every night.

Remus hunted in bulk quantities; aiming for larger animals like deer or elks. He took exactly two hours, counted to the last second – forty five minutes to hunt and the rest to fulfill his mission. On the days, when bad weather decreased their chances of food, he brought fish or rabbits that he found taking shelter within burrows. If Black felt any remorse for the younger animals that Remus brought in or even any disgust over the way Remus cut them in large bloodied chunks, he said nothing. Their hunger overrode all reason. In Black's case, it was also his agitation over not being found even after two weeks had passed. Remus did not seem the least bit surprised. They were far away and much of this territory was protected by ancient magic. It was the sole reason this place had been chosen. It was  _safe._

'I know what you think of me,' Black said one day, crouched down to help Remus build a cooking fire. The man was inept at all household charms and hesitant, with right reason, to hand over his wand to Remus. Even the healing charm he had cast on Remus's right arm was rusty, and often Remus would find his joints creaking or refusing to move from stiffness. Yet, Remus did not deny the progress he had made; his feet were free from their painful restraints and he was allowed to run free outside as long as Padfoot kept with Black. 'I know you think I'm a heartless bastard.'

'Aren't you?' Remus asked without raising his head. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Padfoot playing with the sparks that flew from their fire – chasing each one until it disappeared into embers.

'My problem is not with you being a werewolf.'

Remus raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Padfoot let out a joyful yip as chasing sparks lead to chasing his own tail. His leg was healing fast, much to Remus's joy. It wouldn't be long now until they escaped. Day after tomorrow; Remus would make his move. They would strike at dawn when Black was too tired to keep his magical guards up around them. He and Padfoot would run for as long as they needed to, until whatever magic that protected this place wore thin enough for them to apparate.

'My problem is with you being a Death Eater.' Black suddenly gripped Remus's wrists tightly, forcing him to listen. 'I lost my family to you.'

Amber eyes met grey. 'And I lost mine to you.'

Black let go. For second, it seemed Remus had silenced him, but when he spoke, his tone was harsher than before. 'Do you think that your actions are justified by that? Do you think what you are doing is right?' he asked angrily, his eyebrows scrunching together. 'Fuelling foolish beliefs of supremacy on Purebloods like my parents and luring them in to work for you? Do you think you're safe with that bastard, Voldemort? He'll kill you if he desires it. Killing innocent people just because of their blood status – what does this get you?'

'Give me your hand,' Remus said quietly. When Black hesitated, Remus took it by force and bit into it hard enough to break skin. His teeth stained red and he spat out the blood that collected in his mouth with disgust.

Black cried in surprise, falling back and immediately reaching for his wand. ' _You little fucker!'_

'You won't get infected,' Remus assured, ignoring the sharp jab to his neck. 'I promise.' The wand still did not move as Remus bit into his own palm this time, the taste of his own blood mingling with Black's. It was bitter and metallic; and Remus could feel nausea rising in his throat just from the taste of it. 'Is there a difference?' Remus asked, his tone hard and his grip harder as he pulled Black's injured hand forward to line up with his own. 'Do you see a difference between us?'

Black stared. 'I-'

Remus clasped their hands together. 'My blood will not infect yours, just as yours will not cure mine. So why am I shunned?' His fingers tightened, squeezing so hard that he could see their blood mingling and pooling together at the edge of their palms. It dripped into the fire, burning a stain into the firewood below. 'I did not ask for this. The only memory I have of being bitten is that of a hospital and my parents crying, so why am I being condemned for something I have no control over. I had parents just like you; I had a family that I loved and cared for; so tell me why it was all right to kill the parents of a werewolf but not the parents of a mudblood? Why am I lesser than you? Why can I not be human when I look like you, live like you, love like you? If you can give me an answer, then I will stop. I'll quit and surrender myself to you willingly.'

As predicted, Black had no answer.

' _You're different from the others.'_

_Remus turns to look at his roommate; a boy that cannot be older than sixteen. His childish features have faded. Remus remembers when he first came here – his grey eyes still glimmering with promises of a future and his round cheeks flushed from excitement. He had thought he was here to make a difference. He had thought he could change the world. Every sentence had begun with, 'Mummy said'. Now, four months in and already his cheeks have broken in and he bears the brand of the Dark Lord under his sleeves, seared into his arm. His shoulders hunch from the pressure he feels and Remus can see the fear and reluctance ingrained in his eyes. The boy doesn't want this anymore. Life here has been like a slap to Regulus Black's face._

_Remus, who has never been free to start with, knows to keep quiet and live with what he is given. At least now, he has a roof over his head and food to fill his stomach._

' _You are different from the others,' Regulus repeats again, in case Remus hadn't heard him the first time._

_Remus sighs, running a hand through his wet hair. There are strands of white starting to show but Remus has never been narcissistic enough to care. There are more things to worry about than his appearance. He picks up his comb and then whistles for Padfoot, who comes to him obediently. He doesn't, however, drop the bone in his mouth despite Remus's insistent pulls. Like a human being, Padfoot is quickly developing a personality that Remus has grown to both love and hate –wild, stubborn, mischievous, affectionate, and needy all sum up the puppy that has now grown to the size of a bear._

' _Don't make a fuss, Padfoot,' Remus scolds as Padfoot tries to shy away from the combing brush. 'Sit.'_

' _Why do you try to hide it?' Regulus continues, despite Remus pointedly ignoring him. 'Why do you pretend to be like the others? I've seen you; I've followed you – you douse yourself in animal blood to make it look like you went hunting for humans. You clip off your nails and refuse to sharpen your teeth. The other day, I saw you help a mudblood escape. Have you ever actually_ _ **killed**_ _a mudblood? Or do you simply watch while the rest do the dirty work for you? I've seen it in your eyes; you don't like this one bit…'_

_Despite the shake in Remus's hands, he pretends to be unaffected. He continues combing Padfoot's fur in silence, taking comfort in the soft fur between his fingers and Padfoot's petulant whines. Even so, Padfoot never goes against him. Remus is Padfoot's world and whether he likes it or not, Padfoot will always do what Remus will ask of him. Right now, Remus is only asking for a tangle free coat of fur._

' _I_ _ **saw**_ _you,' Regulus reiterates._

_Remus ignores him._

' _I'm going to skin my arm,' Regulus whispers, his tone sounding hard, 'I'm going to remove the Dark Mark, even if it means I'll have to bleed myself dry. I will be free of this curse!'_

' _Remember, Black,' Remus finally whispers harshly, his eyes scanning the room cautiously, 'that the Dark Lord has ears even within these walls.' He glares at Regulus to make sure his point has gone across and Padfoot growls alongside him, mimicking his master._

' _Help me do this!' Regulus whispers this time, suddenly paranoid after Remus's warning. He gets up to kneel in front of Remus, his hands clasped together and resting on Remus's knees. 'Help me!'_

Sirius knew the minute it had started raining that things were about to go wrong. There was an ominous feeling to the steady sounds of rain pitter pattering across the moldy windows. His rusty joints had started creaking hours ago, reminding him of the multiple close calls he'd had over the years as an Auror and Order member. The thunder had been tame at first, accompanying mild lightning that lit up the sky for moments before surrendering to darkness. It was three in the afternoon, but looked as if it was well past midnight.

Sirius's fears were confirmed when Padfoot, who had been slumbering peacefully thus far, raised his shaggy head. On all the days Remus had gone hunting, the dog had never seemed perturbed about being left behind. While Lupin would shower it with promises of coming back and indulgent scratches across it belly and behind its ears, Padfoot never seemed to doubt the man's words or intentions. He paid no mind to Sirius's wand pointing threateningly at him the first few days, nor did he care when Sirius had gained enough trust in Remus's love for his dog to tuck the wand back in his pocket. Padfoot, for a dog, was largely arrogant and loyal to only his master. Which meant that he ignored Sirius's existence entirely; lazing about, either sleeping or sniffing random corners of the shack.

'What is it?' Sirius asked, as he watched Padfoot stand on all fours, ears perked and nostrils widening cautiously. 'Is something wrong? Is Re-Lupin hurt?'

The moment, Sirius let those dreaded words fall from his mouth, the dog looked back at him with large, frightened eyes and then took off. Its normally silent paws thundered against the floorboards in urgency and it barreled against the front door in an effort to push it open by sheer force. The hinges rattled noisily, as Padfoot charged at the door again and again relentlessly like a fly trapped within a house. 'I've got it,' Sirius panted, only managing to unlock the door before Padfoot was off again; leaving him to follow behind.

'Padfoot, wait!'

It didn't wait. It didn't care. The dog simply ran, uncaring of the wind that pushed against it and the pouring rain that weighed down its fur and slowed it down. It let out a loud high pitched howl into the air as it ran – a call of warning or perhaps a call of reassurance. Sirius sped up, his clunky movements, tripping over slippery patches of grass and fallen branches. He had already lost sight of Lupin's dog, but he followed the sounds of Padfoot's anguished howls and the trail of smaller animals scurrying away. Lightning lit up the path at regular intervals like an aid to a blind man, his heart thundering to the beats of the sky. The horrible sense of foreboding intensified when Sirius's eyes finally fell on Remus's still figure, laid on the ground.

'Oi!' Sirius ran up to fallen body, casting a quick shielding charm across them to protect them from any intruders. 'Oi! Lupin!' His hands fell to Remus's chest, checking for a heartbeat and then for any telltale wounds. The rain had washed off much of the evidence and Sirius could barely see past the rain dripping from his eyelashes. His hands felt a hole around Remus's shoulder – one that had pierced cleanly through his ragged shirt and halfway past his skin. Sirius swallowed heavily, hooking both arms underneath Remus's shoulders and knees. Beside him, Padfoot was barking himself into a mad frenzy, jumping left to right as if wondering what to do to help his master. Apparition wasn't going to work; he had learnt this early on in his capture of Remus. Which meant, they would have to walk.

'Lead the way, but keep at my heels,' Sirius commanded and for the first time since they'd met, Padfoot heeded. Sirius wasn't sure how long they walked, the warming charm he'd cast feeling weak against the weight of the pouring rain. He didn't know how many times he'd checked if Remus's shallow breathing had stilled or wiped away rain water that was pooling across Lupin's wound to keep from infection. All he understood was the urgency to get to the shack and the feeling of Padfoot's fur as the dog brushed across his ankles every so often to lead him back.

He understood the urgency of the situation when they were finally at the shack and Sirius had laid Lupin down on the makeshift bed of old, abandoned curtains and leaves that they'd gathered. It was not the wound that was fatal; it was the poison spreading from Remus's shoulder like a green plague all the way down to his chest. There, lay a pendant of clear amber stone and the mark of Salazar Slytherin embossed underneath – another proof, Sirius supposed, of Lupin's allegiance to the Dark Lord. However, Sirius realised with growing panic, that he had very little knowledge of the poison that was currently chewing into Lupin's life and he was sure there nothing in his Auror's Safety Pouch to save him. Save the enemy; Sirius would have laughed at the very idea had he not been crying over it instead. Save the enemy who had clearly pledged to the Darkness.  _Save the enemy. Save this man._

' _Don't,' Remus whispers, making one last attempt to change Regulus's mind. 'Black, I am begging you, don't do this.'_

' _Are you saying this because you know I'll drag you into my mess?' Regulus laughs, for the first time in months, sounding very much like his childish self. 'Because I am going to. You've agreed to my whims, so you're my partner in crime now…'_

' _You will get yourself killed,' Remus reasons; no, pleads._

_Regulus's face takes a different turn, his eyes turning misty as if the reality of the situation he is putting himself in is suddenly hitting him. 'I used to tell my brother that all the time and you know what he used to tell me? Fuck yeah I will.' Regulus laughs like this is some big joke, leaving Remus wondering if all members of the Black family are clinically insane. 'He did the right thing, my brother. He did what he wanted. Merlin, I wish I could see him now.' He looks up as fat tears roll down his cheeks._

_Remus doesn't know what more to say. He doesn't know what to do._

' _I'm going to cast a memory charm on you after this,' Regulus says softly, wiping his eyes and straightening his expression once again, 'to keep you safe from being read._ _ **If**_ _things go wrong, I will send my house elf to you with instructions and a portkey to a safe place. His name will be the trigger to your memory.' His hands fall over Remus's, entwining their fingers together. Regulus's hands are clammy within his and Remus feels like a coward in front of this boy who is risking his life for everything he believes in. Regulus is shaking with fear and trepidation, but his jaw is that of a man who has set his goals for the future. 'If the situation comes to this, I want you to take the portkey and run. Do you understand? Just_ _ **run**_ _.'_

'Explain this to me.'

When Remus finally opened his eyes, he was met with two very different welcomes – Padfoot's tongue and a locket. It took Remus exactly five minutes to realise that the locket around his neck was missing and currently under the possession of Sirius Black. 'Give that back!' Remus screamed frantically, pushing himself off the floor only to fall back with a cry from the searing pain in his shoulder.

'You haven't healed yet!' Black scolded along with Padfoot's disciplining barks. He did not mention that he had only managed to take out forty percent of the poison. Hide the truth and make the patient live longer; a theory many had used. 'Just lay down. There is no need to panic; I just want to talk. I promise,' he reassured, keeping a firm hand of Remus's chest, 'I just want to talk. Padfoot, keep him still, please.'

To Remus's utter shock, Padfoot obediently lay himself down across Remus's abdomen, centering all of his on keeping Remus locked in position. 'Padfoot, I cannot believe you!' he cried, feeling utterly betrayed and stunned at the same time. His dog never listened to anyone but him; not since the very first day Remus had found him; so why? 'You little traitor.' Remus struggled, 'You wait till I'm free; you'll be sorry.'

In reply, Padfoot nipped his nose much like he would discipline a pup.

'I just want to talk,' Sirius repeated, 'and I want to start with this.'

He let the locket hang in front of Remus's face again; the crest of Salazar Slytherin moving back and forth in a hypnotic trance. Remus hated that necklace; he hated the voices that whispered to him at night and the feeling of hatred and spite that swelled within him and broke through his usually calm demeanor. He hated the weight it brought upon his shoulders and back, making them hunch under depression and the feeling of absolute worthlessness. Now that it was gone, a part of Remus was glad. Despite the promises made, he was glad he was finally rid of it.

'At first, I thought it was just a locket until-'

'You heard the voices,' Remus whispered knowingly.

'Yes,' Sirius confirmed, a strange look passing his face.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed. His shoulder throbbed dully but he was alive. At least he was  _alive_. For a moment, he had doubted Padfoot's ability to find him; he should have known better. A strong wave of affection passed through him and he buried his face into familiar black fur. 'It told you to kill me, didn't it? Kill me because I was the enemy anyway? Or did it talk to you about your family; your friends perhaps? Or maybe, it reminded you of how completely alone you are in this world? I've been living with it for two weeks now; constant… _constantly_ whispering things into my head!'

Sirius face told Remus everything.

'I don't know what it is,' Remus answered Sirius's silent truthfully. 'I wish I could tell you more, but I honestly don't know. It was given to me to destroy and I-'

'Is that why you're here?'

Remus shrugged. 'Maybe. I didn't know I was going to be brought here. I lied about knowing this forest; I've never even been here before. I was supposed to take this portkey if anything went wrong, and somehow,  _everything_ went wrong. That elf-'

'Kreacher,' Sirius spat.

'Kreacher,' Remus confirmed with a nod,' he came in between the battle and I had no option but to run. I didn't know you were following me. I didn't even know who you were until I saw your face and then-' He did not say much more. What would he say? That Sirius looked just like his brother; the same brother that was probably dead? 'This  _thing,'_ Remus looked pointedly at the locket in Sirius's hands, 'it doesn't break and is unaffected by magic. The only thing I could think of as a last resort was Dark Magic. That's why last night, I went searching…' His hand went to his shoulder subconsciously where the fangs of the giant arachnid had sunk in. The wound seemed to have almost sealed itself, leaving behind another scar to add to Remus's many. He was a fool to think he could take on a creature of such substantial size without even a wand.

Sirius remained silent for a while, as if processing everything that had been said. His expression was unreadable, and Remus awaited his verdict with the patience of a saint. This was it. This was the moment that decided Remus's next step. Whether he would use Padfoot to his advantage and attack; or whether he would trust this stranger to help him keep his promise to the man who had come closest to being his very first friend. A part of Remus was tired of fighting; wanted to be as nonchalant about their situation as Padfoot who was sleeping peacefully on Remus's legs.

Slowly but steadily, Sirius's hand rose to rest upon Remus's. 'Please, tell me everything; from the very beginning.'

So Remus did.

Right from the moment he had joined the Dark Lord and met his first roommate – Regulus Black.

' _Lupin, the Dark Lord summons us. Come.'_

_Remus looks up from his novel, his eyes catching the reflection in the mirror in front of him rather than the figure itself. Igor Karkaroff: a man that Remus both detests and respects. He is a scholar – well read and in line to be promoted as Headmaster of a very prestigious magic school. He is the first to share his extensive knowledge with Remus, upon the Dark Lord's orders of course. Remus was given a wand, a test subject, and free reign to practice as much as he wanted until every Dark Spell out of his mouth sounded like a death sentence. Igor Karkaroff has taught him how to wield a wand. He has also taught Remus how to kill._

' _We've found a little Mudblood hideout, hosted by Dumbledore and his little band of merry men themselves. I can't wait to see the Dark Lord finally crush that old prune!'_

_Remus doesn't like killing. It is easy to avoid when they are in large groups and no one is quite paying attention to every individual, not even the Dark Lord. It is inevitable when there are eyes upon you, cheering you on and testing your loyalty to the Darkness. Remus has no such loyalty, but he does have the ability to keep his thoughts hidden and the desperation to keep both himself and Padfoot alive._

' _Where is Black?' Karkaroff asks, looking around the room curiously._

_Padfoot looks curiously towards Remus, as if he has the answer. A niggling part of Remus tells him he does, but when he searches his mind for something, it comes as blissfully empty. He shrugs and pulls on his shoes. 'Fuck should I know.'_

Sirius felt dirty.

'Wait,' Remus whispered, holding on to Sirius's arm and panting heavily. His fingers burned against Sirius's skin despite the light touch and when he looked up, amber eyes bright from fever, Sirius felt his breath catch. 'Once more,' Remus nodded his head in assurance. His eyes closed again and just like that, he was underwater. His grip on Sirius's arm tightened, legs knocking against Sirius's waist as he fought to keep down and then he was up again. He fell against Sirius's chest, breathless from just the slightest bit of effort; and Sirius struggled to keep him afloat until Padfoot drifted towards them and nudged his way underneath Remus's left arm.

'Good boy,' Remus praised, too tired to raise his head from Sirius's shoulders. 'Good boy, Padfoot. It feels good to be clean, doesn't it?'

Sirius ran a hand over Remus's face, pushing away the droplets of water that clung to his skin. His other hand tucked Remus's wet brown curls behind his ears, lingering unnecessarily. Even as they drifted back to the edge of the lake, Sirius could not help but let his eyes wander. Just like the time when he'd been nursing Remus's wound, his gaze lingered on the paleness of the werewolf's skin and the various scars that littered his body, adding a rough character to Remus's personality. Already, Sirius's fingers were finding an excuse to trace the scars along Remus's waist and shoulders, using the pretension of helping the other man bathe. Flushed lips panted close to his neck and thin brown eyelashes fluttered against Sirius's skin as Remus fought to keep awake.

Sirius felt dirty.

He tried to keep his eyes trained to the ground as they emerged from the water, but as they waited for their clothes to dry in the sun, Sirius's hands itched to slip between Remus's legs. He moved his own from discomfort as Remus's legs slid apart, revealing beyond light wiry curls and the crease of his thighs.

Sirius felt perverted.

Padfoot looked at him with accusing eyes and moved closer to Remus, as if sensing Sirius's less than innocent thoughts. Remus, oblivious, fell into a light doze, his body curled around his dog for warmth and the bright green grass a stark contrast to his light skin. Sirius looked away.

He felt worried.

Worried that this poison was spreading faster than he'd anticipated and no amount of constant healing was going to cure it. Worried that he was going to lose a man he didn't even care for.

' _Have you ever loved someone?'_

_As always, Remus ignored Regulus. It is pointless, he knows this already. Regulus doesn't seem to care whether Remus responds only with silence or harsh words; the boy is simply lonely, he thinks. Regulus's questions are never ending and they fall one after another, prying into Remus's fall backs and insecurities. Remus must admit that he has developed some degree of comfort with this boy form living together, but not enough to reveal any of himself. In here, Remus knows to keep his distance. This place is not created to make friends and it is best if Remus does not develop affection for this boy._

' _My parents have already arranged for me to marry someone,' Regulus continues, as always, unheeding of Remus's lack of response. 'They're a big family, good for our lineage and also our social standing. In our family parties, we're always made to sit next to each other and talk to each other.' Regulus smiles as if reminiscing. 'I know it is a marriage of compromise, but…I think I'm in love with her. She is-'_

' _I'm not here to hear your teenage love stories,' Remus cuts harshly._

' _You're just jealous,' Regulus laughs and even though they are lying in the dark in the confines of their own beds, Remus can_ _ **see**_ _the cocky smirk on the boy's face._

_Remus_ _**is** _ _jealous. He is jealous of the luxury that Regulus Black has been handed over at birth. He is jealous of the freedom that comes with that luxury. He is jealous of Black's parents and their love for him. More so, he is jealous because Remus has never loved anyone his entire life. Not in the sense that Regulus is speaking of. But it is a known fact: humans do not love animals. Love is a far off concept for him; something he only dreams of but cannot reach because it is exactly that – just a dream. Sometimes, Remus doubts if he is capable of feeling love or if it is just a concept that he has simply grown accustomed to from living amongst humans. And then Padfoot shifts beside him, too big to be babied by Remus but still wanting to be; and Remus reconsiders his doubts. Even if Padfoot is just a dog to many, Remus loves him like family._

' _Do you think I'd live to see her again?'_

_Remus doesn't say anything. He is not a fortune teller._

' _I wish I'd told her,' Regulus whispers wistfully. 'That's what Sirius would have done; he was always one for drama.' Laughter echoes across the room. 'He would go down on his knees and admit to everything, scream his declarations loud enough for everyone to hear, shed a few tears to melt hearts, and then whisk them away to a happily ever after.' Regulus sighs loudly. 'I wonder if he's happy. I wonder if he's found someone to love.'_

'Why are you helping me?'

Sirius concentrated on releasing the poison into the jar he'd transfigured from fallen logs. Black liquid poured from the tip of his wand, congealing instantly once it came in contact with the atmosphere. He did not know how dangerous it was or how long Remus had till Sirius's efforts went in vain. He had never been good with potions or healing spells for that matter; didn't even know beyond the basic safety training he'd received as an Auror. Training that was meant to keep the victim alive for twenty four hours until the medical unit arrived to help. It has already been four days and Sirius is at the end of his wits not trying and failing miserably at getting Remus's strength up. He was beginning to give in to the helpless realisation that perhaps Remus had been right from the beginning and this forest was impenetrable; no one was going to find them here. Even Padfoot was beginning to get restless, keeping constantly at Remus's side like a guard dog.

'I'm the enemy, aren't I?' Remus continued wearily. 'Why are you going out of your way to care for me?'

Sirius didn't look at him; he couldn't bear to face his own failure. 'You are the enemy, which gives me all the more reason to do this. I need you alive if I want more information about Voldemort. You're useless to me otherwise.'

'I've already told you everything I know.'

Sirius sealed the jar shut and levitated it to the corner to join eight others. He would have burned it out of spite but didn't know what fumes might be produced from such rash actions. Instead he glared at it balefully and then turned that very same glare towards Remus. 'You told me everything you know about Regulus, but nothing else. How do I know that what you've told me is the truth or that you aren't hiding more? Don't take me for a fool, Lupin.'

The bitter laughter that followed caught Sirius by surprise. 'Padfoot,' he said softly, petting the soft black fur that stuck close enough to him to seem like second skin. 'Padfoot, love, can you wait outside?' When Padfoot glared at him stubbornly and refused to move, Remus's hands smoothed over the dog's ears in a simple plea. 'Just for a little while, I promise. If anything happens, I'll shout.' Despite the reassurances, Padfoot seemed reluctant; glaring at Sirius threateningly as he walked outside. From the pronounced thump beyond the door, Sirius could tell that the dog had carefully positioned itself close by as a warning.

Sirius still wasn't sure if he liked it or not. It's only a dog, he wanted to argue every time he saw Remus coddle it, but Sirius knew better. Padfoot was much more than a dog to Remus; it seemed more like a brother than anything. The idea itself was laughable. What was even more laughable was Sirius's jealousy. 'We need to dress your wound,' Sirius cut in before Remus could say whatever it is he wanted to talk about. He was in no mood for confrontation or an argument; and Remus was in no health for it either.

Obediently, Remus moved closer and extended his shoulder forward. 'It's pointless.'

'Shut up,' Sirius replied harshly, tearing the last of his shirt into thin strips. 'Don't speak. Don't say anything.'

'Black,' Remus went on, ignoring Sirius's warnings. 'I need to talk to you about-'

Sirius kissed him. He didn't know what came over or even why he'd suddenly moved forward this way. All he knew was that he just wanted Remus to stop talking; he had just wanted Remus to shut the fuck up but the other man had insisted on speaking. He knew that once he'd felt those chapped lips against his, there was no going back or pulling away. The filthy desire that he'd been feeling all these days intensified, making him wind his hand around the back of Remus's neck to pull him closer and delve his tongue to a waiting mouth. The fact that Remus did not resist him only fueled his hunger and suddenly, he was pulling Remus onto his lap and running his hands over the legs that wrapped around him. His lips and tongue tracked the litter of scars on Remus's skin – one running down his jaw line to the back of his ear; another from his collar bone to the very end of his right shoulder; a longer one that went right through his nipple and disappeared into his belly button. He was shucking away all of Remus's clothes one by one; paying careful attention to the wound and doing his best to be gentle despite the raging need that seemed to flood his senses. Need that was making him disregard the alarm bells in his head that told him how wrong this was – why was he not considering their positions at this moment; why was he not questioning the sudden silent willingness on Remus's part?

Sirius stopped; his breath warm and quick against Remus's skin as he looked up. His hand gripped Remus's naked thighs, thumb rubbing needy circles as he waited for reassurance. He waited, drinking in Remus's too shallow breaths and his weakly fluttering eyelashes. He waited, wondering why his heart was pounding so hard in his chest and why in his mind, he felt as if he had never met a person more beautiful.

'Don't stop,' Remus whispered finally, leaning his forehead against Sirius's. His chest heaved in time with Sirius's, as he lifted guided one of Sirius's hands to his chest, stopping to feel his thundering heartbeat and then lower. 'Please, don't stop.'

'I-' He should; Sirius should stop because Remus wasn't even well and this was just wrong. It was wrong of him to want this so badly.

'Please,' Remus pleaded again, guiding Sirius's hand to his cock.

Sirius felt his breath hitch and he knew that whatever argument he had posed for himself would fall on deaf ears. His fist closed around Remus's cock, his palm running past the smooth underside to the head where he could feel pre-cum wetting his skin. Remus let out a low moan into his neck, hands running down Sirius's back and setting Sirius's skin on fire. Frantically, Sirius used his other hand to unbutton his trousers, freeing his own cock and pumping to the rhythm of his other hand. He pushed their bodies together, the friction feeling overwhelming against his insatiable need.

Their bodies slid together in unison, arching into each other as they came in sharp spurts. Remus's cries echoed in Sirius's ears, imprinting into his mind; he wanted to hear more. He wanted this moment to last forever. He wished he hadn't closed his eyes from the force of his own orgasm, because he wanted to see Remus's face as he came all over Sirius's hands and stomach. He felt Remus slump against him afterwards, silent, as Sirius cleaned them up with his wand. Sirius did not know how long they sat this way, Remus wrapped around Sirius's body with his head pillowed on Sirius's shoulder. Neither of them protested and Sirius, his heart slowing down to a steady rhythm, worried that he'd pushed too hard. He smoothed over Remus's hair, fingers running over every ridge of the other man's spine and tracing the lines of his shoulder and waist.

'You must be feeling disgusted right now,' Remus mumbled into Sirius's shoulder after a while. 'Doing it with a werewolf; it must have felt like bestiality.'

Sirius had not once thought that way. He was about to say so, when Remus spoke again, his tone bitter:

'Your friends are here, just as you predicted. Padfoot smelled humans last night; unfamiliar ones. I don't know how much longer till they get here,' he admitted. 'This is  _it_ for me. I'm too weak to escape and if I'm lucky, I'll die before you hand me over to Azkaban.' Sirius sat still, horrified when he realised he could feel droplets of wetness trickling down his shoulder and back. 'It's okay. I'm tired of fighting anyway. I wasn't even able to keep my promise to Regulus.' Sirius glanced at where he'd buried the locket underneath the scaffolding of the shack, unable to take any more of the taunting voices. 'Please…' Remus pushed himself up to face Sirius, swiping at his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. 'Don't let them take Padfoot. I know him; he'll fight back when they come for me, but don't let them hurt him. Promise me. Promise me you'll take care of him when I'm gone…'

Sick.

Sirius felt sick.

Like a monster.

Slowly, he pulls Remus back towards him in tight embrace. 'Get up. We're not waiting for them. We'll walk as long as we have to, to apparate.' He jaw set tightly, 'we're going home.'

' _Do you think they're up there, Padfoot?' Remus asks, looking at the little pup that had climbed on his shoulders. He has quickly grown accustomed to Padfoot's needy gestures and his constant need to be coddled. Though sometimes, Remus reckons his dog is just too lazy to walk by himself and hitches rides on his shoulders instead. 'My parents and yours - having a doggy-dog time.' Remus laughs and lifts a hand up to scratch behind Padfoot's ears, earning an appreciative growl. 'Do you think they miss us, Padfoot?'_

_A tongue lolls out to lick his cheek and Remus laughs and wipes it away with a pronounced, 'ew!'_

' _I miss them,' he admits looking up at the sky. The grass is damp underneath his hands, but the weather is perfect to be homeless. 'I miss mum's homemade pies and her hugs. She used to give the tightest hugs, the kind that lasted forever. I'd always complain about it and tell her to stop babying me. I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd let her hold me a little longer.' Remus closes his eyes and imagines his mother's arms around him and her soft voice as she whispers goodnight to him. 'And my dad, gosh, he'd make me do all his chores – cleaning out the garage, throwing out the garbage...' When he envisions his dad, Remus sees a man that he'd always wanted to grow up to be – strong and kind. 'He gave up everything he had for me; they both did...'_

_Padfoot lets out a few yips and whines, as if telling his own little story. Remus listens to him indulgently, nodding and humming in all the right places as his dog continues to talk._

_When they are finally immersed in silence, Remus opens his eyes again and looks up at the stars. 'It must be nice in heaven. I wish I was there.' His eyes fall upon the brightest star in the sky; Sirius they called it. Somehow, he knows that his happiness, his heaven, lies there; because he feels so inexplicably drawn to it. He points at it for Padfoot to see and whispers, 'I wish I could go home.'_

'JAMES, NO!'

Sirius saw the spell two seconds too late and he watched, numb, as it hit Remus square in the chest. He didn't know when things had spiraled so out of control. They had been walking, Remus painfully slow and stopping at regular intervals for breath. The poison was wearing him down quickly but Sirius kept hope. Every time they stopped, he would try to apparate. Whatever magic surrounded them had a wide range, but Sirius knew that once they reached the edge, the wards would be thin. That had been the plan anyway; but somehow everything spiraled out of control the minute Padfoot had sensed danger nearby.

Perhaps the dog had caught James and the rest of the Order members by surprise, but they had immediately attacked, three against an innocent animal. Three wands drawn, three spells shot, two deflected. In that split second, Remus had grabbed Sirius's wand from his pocket and deflected the spells with a quick swish, starting a duel that Sirius had never planned for to happen. Sirius had also no control over it, as spells shot in the blink of an eye and neither of the men from either side seemed to listen to his screams to  _stop, please, just fucking stop, you fucking idiots!_ A part of him knew this would happen.

As he ran towards Remus's fallen body, Padfoot's pained howls echoing in his ears, he  _knew_ this would happen.

'Sirius, what the fuck are you doing!'

'You better not have killed him, Potter!' Sirius screamed, glaring at his shocked best friend with anger beyond comprehension. His hands were shaking as he knelt beside Remus, cradling his head into his lap. 'You better not have killed him or I will never forgive you for the rest of my fucking life!' Sirius ran his hands through Remus's hair, trying and failing to ignore the blood that stained his skin. 'Don't give up on me now, Lupin! Oi, Remus, don't close your eyes.' Panicking, Sirius slapped Remus's cheeks lightly, pulling at his closing eyelids forcefully. 'Please, just a little bit more. I'll get you there, I promise. I'll get you home, like I promised. Just a little bit longer, Remus, come on.' Tears prickled Sirius's eyes as he hugged Remus close to his chest. He forced himself up, Remus's body feeling limp in his arms as he started walking towards his friends. Desperation clawed at his throat and he reassured himself with the gentle rise and fall of Remus's chest. 'Please, just a little longer. I'll give you anything you want if you just stay awake for me...'

Remus's eyelashes fluttered and only half his words made it through, but Sirius already knew what Remus wanted:  _'All I ever wanted was to be human.'_

'You  _are_  human,' Sirius assured with a sob, resting his forehead against Remus's. 'You have always  _been_  human. So, please, just until we get there. I promise, I'll take care of you…I love you. Fuck, I love you…'

Remus smiled weakly.

' _That's what Sirius would have done; he was always one for drama. He would go down on his knees and admit to everything, scream his declarations loud enough for everyone to hear, shed a few tears to melt hearts, and then whisk them away to a happily ever after.'_

'Lily, please save him. I'm begging you, please…'

_'My brave boy,' his mother whispers, kissing his forehead. 'My brave, brave boy.' She kisses his eyelids, his cheeks; her gentle hands wiping away the tears streaming down his face. 'My beautiful baby...'_

'I already told you I'll take care of it, Black! I'm trying my best here, so if you want to see him alive, then you and that dog had better just fucking shut up!'

_His father is furiously scrubbing the wall. Scritch, scritch, scritch. His pace gets faster and faster the more he realises that words are permanent. They will never leave. Just like Remus's disease, those words will leave scars for the rest of his life._

'The forest ends not far from here. James, apparate him to the hospital as soon as you get there. Sirius and I will follow. He should scrape by till then…'

_He sees body bags; two of them - obsidian and ominous. Their zips have been done and they are being wheeled into an ambulance as firemen run in and out of his house searching for more victims. There are no victims. Only Remus._

'Can someone get that dog out of here? This is a hospital, not a pet store! And while you're at it, get Black out of here as well!'

_'Stop following me. I don't have anything to give you.' The pup whines softly, brushing itself against Remus's feet like a cat._

'We'll keep him under surveillance for twenty four hours. If the potion reacts favourably, then we can consider ourselves on the safe side. It's all down to fate now.'

' _I will give you freedom. Freedom to walk on the streets without people mocking you; freedom to choose whatever you want; freedom to love whoever you want.'_

'Oi, Lupin. Remus. Oi, it's Sirius. I've still got a bone to pick with you. I'm not done arguing with you yet. Oi, wake up, you bastard…'

' _You're different from the others.'_

' _If the situation comes to this, I want you to take the portkey and run. Do you understand? Just_ _ **run**_ _.'_

'Come on, wake up. I haven't gotten my answer yet. I confessed to you, didn't I? I told you I loved you. How long are you going to make me wait, Lupin? Wake up.'

' _Have you ever loved someone?'_

'Remus, please…'

_'This is it for me. It's okay. I'm tired of fighting anyway.'_

Sirius stared at the epitaph in front of him, the words blurring in front of his eyes to nothing. Rain poured down from the sky, pricking his skin maliciously like sharp needles. The graveyard rang with deafening silence; empty and desolate. James and Lily had left, not really having much to say for a person they barely knew; nothing but sorrys. Few had even bothered to come; there was no respect in any one's hearts for a fallen Death Eater. Only Sirius knew the true grief of the soul that now lay below the ground; only he understood what had been sacrificed. The truth was now buried in soil with nothing but a polished tombstone to mark it. The loneliness was overwhelming.

Padfoot whined pitifully beside him and Sirius too felt a sob escape him.

'You'll catch a cold like that.' The downpour of rain over his head stopped abruptly and Sirius quickly wiped his eyes, knowing that he no longer had any excuse for his tears. 'Let's go home.' A thin, scarred hand slipped into his and squeezed reassuringly. 'He was a good man.'

Sirius nodded, managing a weak smile as he turned to look back at gentle amber eyes. 'A good brother, though I never saw it.' He stepped further into Remus's umbrella, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to keep him close. The body next to him was weak, still recovering, but only a slight shiver belied Remus's true condition. Yet, despite everything, Remus was the only one who had stayed with him till the end. 'Come, Padfoot,' Sirius called, smiling as the shaggy, black dog bounded towards them, only too glad to be out of the rain. Sirius cast a warming charm on the three of them and both Padfoot and Remus let out identical sighs.

'Thank you,' Remus whispered, pushing Sirius's wet hair behind his ears and wiping Sirius's eyes with a gentle thumb.

'Thank you,' Sirius repeated back, looking behind one last time to read Regulus's inscription:  _ **A hero lost; a brother found.**_ He turned to kiss Remus gently on the forehead, then moved to Remus's lips and lingered. 'I love you,' he whispered almost desperately into Remus's mouth. He did not shy away from the words anymore; not since he'd learned how easy it was to lose the people you cared for. Not since he spent sleepless nights at Remus's bedside, praying to the God he did not even believe in. 'I love you.' The umbrella tilted to the side as Remus overbalanced under Sirius's affections, exposing them momentarily to the rain as they kissed tenderly.

Padfoot barked happily as he circled them, his tail wagging furiously.

Remus smiled, blinking away rain drops from the tips of his lashes. 'I love you, too.'

**The End**

* * *

 


End file.
